So what is Domestic Abuse?
We all grew up hearing the term Domestic Violence. To many it implies a punch, a physical attack leaving the victim wounded and the attacker begging for forgiveness whilst making excuses for their actions. The reality is that not all abuse is physical, not all abuse is visible and sometimes we can't see it happening to ourselves or others.
DA is defined as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer. It is very common, it is very difficult to leave.
We know that the vast majority of victims are female and that the vast majority of perpetrators are male. However that is not always the case.
Types of Domestic Abuse
Physical Abuse
Perhaps the most known type of abuse, certainly the most visible. However it isn't always a direct punch, slap or kick. It can be pushing, pinching, squeezing, hair pulling, biting, throwing things are you, pulling on clothing or any type of harm done by someone else intent on hurting you no matter how they deny or excuse it.
Emotional Abuse
This type of abuse includes stalking, insults, threats and humiliation as well as isolating you from friends, colleagues and/or family. Threats may be aimed at you or your family, they make break your possessions or say you'll drive them to suicide if you leave or don't comply. They may intentionally belittle and embarrass you in public and make you feel unworthy of their love.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is so much more than simply Rape. It involves anything from using sexual insults towards you, coervicing you in to sex, unwanted touching, kissing or pressured sexual acts. It also includes preventing someone from accessing birth control or refusing to use a condom.
Tech/Digital Abuse
This is the fastest growing type of Domestic Abuse and ecompasses everything from online stalking and harassment, to checking you r phone and keeping tabs on your social media. They may send nasty texts, emails or post about you or they may demand intimate images/send unwated images to you.
Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse is everything covering abuse affecting your mind. This can be gas lighting, telling you have health conditions that you do not, telling you that you are crazy, putting you down in front of others, calling you names, questioning everything you do or lying to make it seem you have said or done things that you have not.
Finacial Abuse
This type of abuse can be hard to spot, it often begins with being told what you can and can't buy, under the guise of whether you can afford it before escalating in some cases to the point of the victim not having bank cards, access to money and given an allowance. Another example is having to account for all money spent and present the receipts. They may be reckless with your money, get loans or credit in your name and also say whether you can work or what hours.
Coercive Control
Coercive control is often subtle but is a pattern of degrading, intimidating behaviour that leaves you complying through fear of repercussions of a sexual or physical nature. It may be that the threat is aimed at further abuse in the form of any one of the types listed here but the victim complies through fear of what may happen as a consequence of not going along with the perpatrators wishes.
Domestic Abuse is never ok.
Support is out there and whilst those working in the sector know it is not easy to leave, it may be the first step to the rest of your life.
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